“They’re Not My Friend Anymore!”– Fostering Friendships And How We Support Our Child When Friendships Become Challenging.
Watching our child navigate the world of friendships can be a bit of a roller coaster. They may be happy and having fun with a group of friends one day, then come home from school the next day saying they felt left out, or that “Bobby” is not their friend anymore. Some of our children find that making friends doesn’t come easily, while others make lots of friends, but experience endless dramas and switch-ups with who the new BFF is.
As a caring parent or caregiver we want to see our children with a supportive group of friends, as we know that friendships are important throughout our lives.
Why Supportive Friendships Are So Important
As children grow and develop, they rely on relationships with others to help them grow and navigate the world around them. Supportive friendships can provide children with a sense of belonging, security and self-esteem, as well as help them develop key social and emotional skills. When children have friends that accept and value them, they learn to trust others and feel more secure in their own skin and more confident in their abilities.
As children get older, supportive friendships become even more important. They can provide children with the emotional support they need to cope with challenges of adolescence, such as peer pressure, self-doubt and bullying.
Adolescent children who feel supported by their friends are more likely to make healthy decisions and experience greater wellbeing.
Friendship Issues
Finding friends is not always easy and a number of issues can arise as children navigate the complexities of relationships with their peers.
One common issue that can arise is bullying. This can take many forms, such as physical, verbal or social bullying. It can have serious consequences for children, including anxiety and depression, and a decreased sense of self-worth.
Social isolation is another significant issue. Children who struggle to make or maintain relationships with their peers may feel lonely or excluded. This can lead to feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem.
Managing conflicts with other children.
Older children may experience issues relating to dating, social media and peer-pressure and can include cyberbullying, gossip and exclusion from social groups.
What Can Parents/Caregivers Do To Help Our Children Make Friends And Cope With Challenging Friendships?
As a parent or caregiver, we can feel the emotional pull of wanting to step in when our child is struggling. We should absolutely be there to support our child, but going straight to the parent of a child who said something mean once won’t be as helpful. What will be more helpful is ensuring that our children have a solid grounding and belief in themselves, so that occasional incidents, in which they feel hurt or rejected, don’t seriously damage their confidence.
A strong and connected relationship with their primary caregivers creates a strong base from which a child can experience the ups and downs of making and losing friends.
The care and love that your child feels at home can help them manage all of their other relationships.
When your child is feeling upset because they are feeling left out or have had a fight with a friend, they know that you will always be there. You are there for them to talk things through with, or simply listen to and give them a hug. By supporting them emotionally as they go through these friendship challenges, rather than trying to fix it yourself, you are encouraging the growth of their resilience; they can experience this and come out the other side ok.
It's important to note, however, that if consistent bullying or any physical bullying at all is happening, the parent/caregiver must step in and ensure that the school and/or parents of the child/children are working together to bring it to an end.
We can let our children know too, that some people may make them think that there is something wrong with them, but that is not true.
Our children need to know that they are fun, kind, interesting and brave, and that not everyone will get them and that’s ok.
There will be many more people that do get them, they may just have to widen the areas they are looking. This is where activities outside of school can be socially beneficial.
For our children that are struggling to make friends it will also be helpful to talk through some practical ways of making friends;
Sometimes a simple social reminder might help. For example, you could encourage your child to introduce themselves when they meet new children – ‘Hello, I’m Milly. What’s your name?’
Often children make friends at school through playing the same game together – but it’s hard if you don’t know the rules. You could make sure your child knows the rules of games they want to join in with. If your child doesn’t like the games other children are playing, you could suggest your child starts a game that they do like by asking classmates to play it with them. Some children find it helps to take a ball or game to share.
We can foster friendships by organising playdates outside of school. Playdates outside school can be a great way to create new school friendships and strengthen existing friendships.
You can help your child arrange playdates and sleepovers by asking your child whether there’s anyone they’d like to invite to your home. You could encourage your child to invite their friend, and you can talk to the friend’s parents at school drop-offs or pick-ups or other school activities.
We can model positive social interactions, so that our children can learn from us how to start conversations and listen to others.
Look for other opportunities to meet peers. Getting involved in some activities with children their age who have similar interests can be a great way to find friends. It may be helpful to provide your child extra opportunities to meet kids they will connect with.
Children's friendships can bring many benefits, but challenges can also arise. Parents and caregivers play a vital role in supporting children as they navigate these issues and build positive, supportive relationships with their peers.
