“Why All Of The Tears And Tantrums At Christmas Time?”- Exploring How The Christmas Period Can Provoke More Emotional Dysregulation For Our Children and How We Can Help.

The festive season is often perceived as a joyous time filled with warmth, family, and special traditions. However, for some children, particularly those with high anxiety, sensory processing issues, developmental challenges, or neurodiverse conditions like autism spectrum disorder (ASD), the holiday season can bring about overwhelming stress and lead to more emotional meltdowns.

Understanding the reasons behind these reactions is very important in order to support our children and create a more peaceful environment during this busy time of celebration.

Sensory Overload

One of the primary triggers for meltdowns during Christmas is sensory overload. This season introduces an array of new and intense stimuli; there are flashing lights, loud music, crowded spaces, strong smells, and unfamiliar textures, and these can all be distressing for our children who are sensitive to sensory input.

For those children with sensory processing disorders, these sensations can actually become unbearable, leading to heightened anxiety and a loss of emotional control.

We must be mindful of the impact all of this has on our little people’s nervous system. The stress of all of this might even show up days later in challenging behaviour that we might easily label as ‘naughty’.

Disruption to Routine

Children often thrive on routine, finding comfort and stability in predictability. However, the Christmas holiday season tends to disrupt familiar schedules with changes in school routines, family gatherings, travel, and irregular bedtimes. These alterations can be disorienting and unsettling for our kids, making it challenging for them to adapt and activating their nervous systems.

Social Expectations and Pressure

There are far more social gatherings at this time of year and we expect our kids to participate during these festive get-togethers. It can be very overwhelming, particularly for children who struggle with social cues or have difficulties with communication.

The pressure to engage in conversations, participate in group activities, or meet, and especially hug, unfamiliar relatives can induce anxiety and contribute to a sense of isolation or discomfort.

Emotional Intensity and Expectations

The emphasis on the spirit of giving, gratitude, and happiness during Christmas can inadvertently create emotional pressure on children. They might feel overwhelmed by the expectations of expressing gratitude, managing emotions, or dealing with disappointment if their expectations aren’t met. The increase of emotions and the inability to cope can lead to meltdowns as a way of releasing this emotional build-up.

Now we understand why there are more tears and tantrums, here are some ways we can support our children to feel more settled in all of the Christmas chaos; 

Preparation and Communication:

We can talk to our children in advance about changes in routines, expectations, and working out some coping strategies together can help reduce their anxiety (for example; a special signal that lets you know they are reaching their tipping point and need your support or to leave the gathering).  It’s also helpful for our kids to be part of the planning too; there is so much to do in the community, at school, in your city or town. Instead of going to everything you can, you can sit down with your kids and give them some choice in some of the events/activities they would like to or prefer not to do. Adding it to a calendar together will be beneficial, so they can anticipate what’s next. Along with this planning we can also schedule in some ‘wind-down’- periods where our children can re-charge and relax; do they need quiet time before bed? Do they benefit from time on the trampoline each day? This will be essential in ensuring our children can experience fewer episodes of dysregulation.

Create a Safe Space:

Designate a quiet, sensory-friendly space where our children can retreat if they are feeling overwhelmed. This space can have fidget toys, music, colouring materials, some favourite toys, which can serve as a calming refuge during gatherings. This ‘safe zone’ can be created at someone else’s house or venue too; we can walk around with our child and find it together, then let others know that when our child retreats here they would like some time to themselves.

Manage Sensory Input:

We can help to limit the exposure to intense stimuli by using things like noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses, or earplugs to alleviate sensory overload.

Flexible Expectations:

If we can attend or host a gathering with expectations that allow for some flexibility we are more likely to feel less anxious about how our children may behave. Allowing our children to opt-out where this is possible, take breaks when needed, or leave early when you recognise they’ve reached their limit, without feeling pressured or judged, will make everyone’s experience a little lighter. Also

Validate Feelings:

It’s so important to acknowledge and validate our child's emotions. Let’s face it, this time of the year is generally stressful and exhausting for us too, so it’s absolutely a challenge for our little people. This is where we have to find our own grounding so we can provide reassurance and support for them during challenging moments.

Maintain Routines:

As much as possible we can aim to keep our usual routines, such as sleep routines, eating meals together and other regular activities. Not knowing what is happening from day to day can cause so much unnecessary anxiety, so maintaining aspects of our child's regular routine we can provide a sense of stability amid the holiday chaos.

When the emotional outburst occurs

The outburst will occur, as it’s just a normal part of development, but it will happen less frequently or with less intensity or endurance.

When it does happen this is the point in which we are needed to be a co-regulator for our child.

There is no reasoning with our child at this point, we just need to be there and let them know that we are with them and available. Only once they have calmed a little and they are able to think clearer, do we invite them to problem solve with us. We can ask them what can we do now? What could we do next time?

While the Christmas holiday season is a time of festivities for many, it's important to recognise and address the challenges some of our children face during this period. By understanding the triggers, unique to our children, that can lead to meltdowns, and implementing supportive strategies, we can create a more inclusive and accommodating environment for our children to ensure that they can also experience the magic and joy of the festive season in their own way.