Why Does My Child Do That? – Understanding Impulsivity In Children

Grabbing toys off other kids, finding it hard to wait their turn, interrupting others during conversations, rushing into tasks without listening to directions and frequently learning through the mishap that has already happened. Sounding familiar?

Our children, along with their beautiful curiosity, boundless energy and fun are also very impulsive.

As frustrating as it may be for us parents and caregivers, it’s actually very normal at certain ages, so understanding where this impulsivity comes from and gaining a broader knowledge on what to expect throughout our child’s development, will give us the awareness we need to allow us to support our child in gaining impulse control, or acknowledge when we need professional support.

What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity refers to a child's tendency to act on immediate urges or desires without considering the potential consequences. It can manifest in behaviours such as blurting out answers in class rather than raising hands and waiting to be called on, pushing or shoving other children when angry or teased, butting in to the front of the line, sensation seeking such as acting in dangerous ways to feel the adrenalin rush and  getting up from their seat even though it is not the time to move around.

Reasons Behind Children's Impulsivity

Brain Development: Children's brains are still developing and the human brain isn’t fully developed until well into our 20’s. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and complex thinking, is one of the last areas to mature. This means that children often lack the neurological capacity for sound judgment and self-control.

The part of our brain that is able to have some sort of impulse control doesn’t really come online till nearly the age of 4 years old and even then there is no consistency.

The brain then goes through another huge developmental change around puberty and impulse control becomes a very difficult again. At these stages children are supposed to be impulsive and the frustration that we feel actually comes from our expectations often being higher than what children are capable of.

Lack of Experience: Children have limited life experience, and they learn by trial and error. Their impulsive actions are sometimes an attempt to understand the world around them. They may not yet grasp the concept of cause and effect.

Emotional Regulation: Children may struggle with regulating their emotions, leading to impulsive reactions. When they experience frustration, anger, or excitement, they may act out without thinking. For most young children under 5 self-control is non-existent, limited at best, and is a skill that will take years to master. Children’s ability to regulate for themselves will not become evident until they begin to approach seven years old. 

Child’s Temperament: A child’s innate way of reacting to the world, can also make him or her more impulsive than others. Children who are easily distressed and become very agitated may need different treatment than children who are a little more easy-going in order to become capable of self-control.

Peer Influence: Peer pressure can play a significant role in impulsivity. Children often mimic the behaviour of their friends or try to fit in, even if it means making impulsive decisions.

Impulse Control Disorders: In some cases, impulsive behaviour may be a symptom that indicates an emotional condition and learning or communication disorder, such as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), anxiety, autism, and sensory processing issues. These disorders can contribute to impulsivity and working with a professional can help us as parents/caregivers gain a better understanding and help our child in their challenges.

How To Support Impulsive Children

Communicate with them and acknowledge their feelings: It may be very upsetting for them to have to leave a friend’s house when they are having so much fun. Acknowledge this and validate the feelings they have. It is important to connect and communicate to our child that we understand and accept their feelings first before we say or do anything else. 

Teach Emotional Regulation: We can help our children identify and manage their emotions through teaching them coping strategies, such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a short break when they feel overwhelmed, and mindfulness.

Mindfulness helps build neurological pathways that promote focus and cognitive control.

These skills are reached from the prefrontal cortex of the brain. During childhood and through adolescence are times when the most development of the prefrontal cortex takes place. By practicing mindfulness at these key stages of development, children are building the paths for increased focus, control and emotional regulation that will stay with them throughout their life.

Impulse Control Games: Children’s games that require listening, following instructions and stopping are fantastic at developing impulse control. Games such as Simon Says, Red Light Green Light, or Follow the Leader require impulse control. Another option is to play Freeze. With Freeze, children dance to music and when the music stops they should hold their position until the music starts again

Problem-Solve Together: Learning to problem-solve is an incredibly powerful tool to improve impulse control. When we support our children to try and find solutions for themselves, rather than us stepping in and doing it for them or giving them the answers, we are helping them develop an understanding of possible consequences and the confidence that they have some control in their life.

Offer Choices: Provide your child with choices when appropriate. This can help them feel more in control and reduce impulsive reactions. For example, let them choose their snacks or clothing.

Model Self-Control: Our children aren’t going to do what we say; they are going to do what we do.

Children learn by observing parents/caregivers, so demonstrate self-control in our own actions and decision-making, and explain our thought process to them.

We can be mindful of how we respond to anger, frustration and disappointment, as this will also highly influence how our children responds to these strong emotions.

Seek Professional Help: If we suspect that our child's impulsivity goes beyond what we recognise to be within the normal expectations for their developing brain, some support from a mental health professional would be good next step.

Give Them a Break: It can be a big tiring day for our children and we all have a limited amount of self-control. We can’t expect that they will be capable of taking on multiple tasks throughout a day without breaks for play and rest. Making sure these breaks throughout the day are consistent will mean that they will respond to the tasks that we ask of them more favourably.

Impulsivity is a common trait in children due to their developing brains, limited life experience, and emotional challenges. Increased self-control will develop as our child continues to mature, and understanding the reasons behind our child’s impulsivity is essential for us as parents and caregivers to help our children develop self-control and make better decisions. There are many things that we can do to help them develop and nurture these skills and traits and by implementing the above strategies we can guide our children toward a more thoughtful and responsible way of being in the world.