The Selfless Parent – Why Always Putting Everyone Else’s Needs Before Your Own Is Detrimental For Your Family
As parents, we often find ourselves putting our children's needs above our own. We do this on a daily basis often leaving no time to do anything nourishing for ourselves.
While this selflessness is necessary at times when our children are struggling, chronically neglecting self-care can have unintended consequences.
It’s not just taking care of our children that pushes us into leaving any form of self-care well and truly at the bottom of the pile. There are so many demands on our time that an average parent/caregiver struggles with a lack of sleep, financial stress, juggling work with child care and increased house work, that it seems there is barely enough time for a bathroom break, never mind self-care!
It's because we don’t recognise its value that we allow it to stay at the bottom of the pile. Taking care of ourselves not only benefits our own well-being but also has a profound impact on our children's development and happiness.
We simply can’t be the parent our child needs when we are completely depleted ourselves.
Is Self-Care Selfish?
We can get stuck in the mindset that it is selfish to take time for ourselves, that selfcare is some sort of over indulgence, but that’s just not the case. It’s actually a necessity to restore our emotional and physical health to be effective in all the roles we fulfil. To continually give to others until we’ve given all we have and have no more to give is when we become resentful or bitter and can lose the joy of parenting. If our homes consist of parents that are physically and emotionally drained, constantly stressed, and devoid of personal fulfilment, then we have an environment that can affect the overall family dynamic and impact each member individually.
As emotional anchors for our young people it’s essential to recognise that when we are overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally distant, our children absorb these negative emotions, impacting their mental health.
Taking time for ourselves rejuvenates our mental and emotional reserves, enabling us to approach parenting with patience and positivity.
This, in turn, leads to more enjoyable interactions with our children and a deeper sense of fulfilment.
How Does Our Own Self-Care Benefit Our Children?
There are two obvious ways that taking care of ourselves can benefit our children;
In order to help our children to manage their own emotions they need a grounded adult to regulate with them and work through the difficulty together. We all know that when we have had very little sleep or we are at “breaking point” from over commitments, our tolerance levels are low. We become just as reactive as our kids and end up modelling the behaviour that we are encouraging them to stop. Therefore, Parents who practice self-care are better equipped to manage their emotions, communicate effectively, and provide a secure emotional space for their children. By nurturing our emotional well-being, parents create an atmosphere where children feel safe expressing their own feelings.
Children are keen observers. They learn by watching the actions of those around them. When we as parents prioritize self-care, we show our children that our own needs are important. This valuable lesson encourages children to develop healthy self-esteem and self-respect. As parents/caregivers engage in activities that bring us joy and relaxation, children witness the importance of pursuing their interests and passions. We continue to model healthy behaviours for our children teaching them the value of balance, stress management, and respecting one's own needs. This foundation of self-care sets the tone for a happier and more harmonious home.
What Is Self-Care And How Do I Make Time For It?
Taking care of ourselves doesn’t have to be extravagant. We don’t have to have a spa treatment every day (though it would be nice), we just need to know simple things that refuel us. What refuels one person may empty another, so we need to pay attention to what activities we can do or can stay away from deliberately in order to take care of our physical, mental and emotional health.
Some people may need social interactions, so an evening with friends can feel restorative, whereas someone else may find that spending some quiet time reading a book is what fills their bucket. We might find painting, journaling, taking a long shower or even just saying no to the extra drop-off or pick-up empowering or energising for us. To find out what works for us we need to give it a try.
For all of us, some form of physical exercise is important and it is as good for our emotional health as it is for our physical health. It increases serotonin levels, leading to improved mood and energy. The important thing is again to find the right form of exercise for us; a slow stroll, a run, a dance class, riding a bike. Whatever it is just make sure you’re moving and enjoying it!
Take a moment to pause. We rush so much that we are constantly trying to get to the next thing without appreciating where we are. This doesn’t have to be an hour-long meditation, but having moments where we don’t answer emails or text messages and just take some deep breaths or look at the sky, can encourage us to learn to relax and calm ourselves.
Healthy sleeping and eating habits. We hear it everywhere on repeat, but it’s so true. Physically fuelling our body with the good stuff and allowing it time to replenish has such a positive impact on our mental state.
Sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become severe enough that we just can’t overcome it on our own. In this case, one of the best self-care steps we can take is seek some mental health support. We can benefit so much from receiving this help, it is essential if you are feeling so overwhelmed that you don’t even know how to start taking care of yourself.
In the beautiful journey of parenting, it's essential to remember that taking care of oneself is not selfish—it's an investment in the well-being of the entire family.
When parents prioritise self-care, they create a positive ripple effect that influences their children's emotional development, habits, relationships, and overall happiness. By teaching through their actions, parents lay the foundation for a balanced, harmonious, and loving home. So, let's embrace self-care as an integral part of our parenting journey and watch how it transforms not only ourselves but also the lives of our children.
